I’m coming back to life…and work. I met with a VR counselor today. I was a little nervous, as this is my ex-employer and when highly manic, I had been cruel to the counselor. “Water under the bridge” she says. At first I couldn’t believe her, but now I sincerely do.
I’m not sure what I will do. I really want to use my degree and make a decent wage. Being happy and in a supportive environment is most important, though.
Do I have it in me to be a counselor again? I want to say “yes”, but honestly I don’t know. I have to be really healthy and managing my illness well to consider that. I do manage it well in terms of taking my prescribed medications and talking to the doctor. However, I have not always actively participated in the assignments my counselors have given me. What a bad example, not using tools that are being given.
Good news is, that has really changed with Joe. I know I struggled with him in an earlier post, but I have really come to like him quite a bit. Something has changed in me…I’m doing the work. He asked me to journal, as counselors have asked many times, and for some reason I’m doing it.
Joe told me “You are going back to work and you are going to drive again”. Those simple yet powerful words. It impacted me. KK always reminded me of my degrees and how intelligent, I was, but my self esteem didn’t boost.
Why am I ready now? What makes this man, this wonderful man so different? I know I’m not supposed to, but I really do love him. I love him for giving me myself back. Some people would say “No, its you doing the work”, and yes that is true. I cannot deny that something in that one session with Joe flipped a switch.
I like me, again! I feel that I am worth something. It has been too damn long.
Forgive the corny nature of this soap opera “love song” but it just seems fitting. And its from my forever favorite soap SANTA BARBARA. The name of it is “The Change in me is You” and this is for Joe.
Tags: Cruz and Eden, Joe, Santa Barbara, The Change in Me is You, therapy, VR, work
